This is our story..
It all began in 2011. We were 17 when we first met through mutual friends, and on New Years we became official! Our relationship was the first serious one for the both of us and the ‘honeymoon period‘ hit me hard. I had never loved someone so much and I couldn’t understand why I had all these feelings of pure love, I was (still am!) completely besotted, head over heels in love.
Young, Happy & In love!
We lived apart for 3 years, which whilst it made our love grow stronger it also showed some of the cracks in our relationship.. all normal of course! Kyle worked long hours and shifts, and I worked too. The time we spent together was so precious but it didn’t last long and we missed each other like crazy when we were apart.
We were so happy when we finally moved in together in January 2015. It was not only a sense of freedom for us both, but it was the beginning of the rest of our lives, the chance for our relationship to blossom and become the strong relationship we have today.
I remember the feeling I had every day when Kyle would come home from work, a feeling I hadn’t experienced often when living separately. I felt excited, I felt safe and most of all I felt happy.
We weren’t living in our new house long when I got a new job, it was the beginning of the makeup career I longed for and I was so happy, but it also meant we saw less time together which was hard, and quite lonely for us both. So we decided to get a cat, somehow we ended up with two, but we fell in love with them both and when they were 8 weeks old we brought them home. Mittens and Buttons were the beginning of our adventure as a family!
A month or so later, we had the biggest surprise of our lives. We were pregnant!
We couldn’t believe it. I remember feeling this overwhelming motion of different emotions; I was unbelievably happy, surprised and scared. It took us both by surprise but we were so happy and excited to start our adventure, as parents, together.
Kyle was my rock throughout my whole pregnancy, taking me to appointments, wiping away my tears, listen to me talk about millions of baby products, feeding me my ridiculous cravings and supporting me at every given opportunity.
Pregnant & Excited for the future
On October 4th, 2015, my 21st birthday, Kyle asked me to marry him. It was the most perfect engagement, an absolutely beautiful ring and I was ridiculously happy! I remember wanting to jump for joy but being too scared in case my waters broke.. (classy!)
October 4th 2015
As we counted down the days to our due date, we enjoyed Christmas, New Years and there were still no sign of Baby O. I can’t comprehend the highs and lows of emotions that I felt in the way leading up to Oakleys birth. I would wake up every day hoping that today would be the day!!
The day finally arrived and on the 10th January 2016 at 9.16am Oakley decided to join us after 41 weeks and 2 days. We were overjoyed with happiness. Kyle was the best birthing partner I could have hoped for, and after 34 hours of labour, our perfect bundle of joy, weighing 8lb 12oz arrived into the world and in that moment.. I felt whole. I had a beautiful family and I was a Mummy, and Kyle was a Daddy, we were a family. I had never felt so happy.
Unfortunately, Oakley was poorly and we stayed in hospital for two weeks. During this time I felt so low. I couldn’t understand why my baby was so poorly, and there was nothing I could do. I had a perfect pregnancy, straight forward labour. I felt frustrated, I felt vulnerable and I felt alone. Kyle wasn’t allowed to stay at the hospital with us and the nights were long and unbelievably challenging. saying goodbye to him every night was the closest feeling to heartbreak I have experienced.
I was so emotionally unstable, a first time mother, terrified what would happen to my poorly baby, alone every night with a colic-y baby, still recovering from labour!
I developed Post Natal Depression. I didn’t feel like myself. Kyle was back at work the day after we brought Oakley home, and I felt like I couldn’t cope. I felt anxiety like never before, I was scared something would happen to my baby, something/someone would take him from me. Some days, I didn’t want to get out of bed, I didn’t want to look after my baby and I didn’t want to see the world. I wanted to hide and not be seen. I felt hopeless, I felt scared but most of all.. I felt guilt.
I felt so much guilt that I had a perfect baby, the most precious gift the world can give you, but I wasn’t happy. That feeling, I still remember now, 15 months later.
I kept my emotions to myself and didn’t want anyone to see me as a weak mother, I felt so numb. It was a while before I came to terms with the way I was feeling, I went to see my GP and when I left the appointment I felt like a weight had been lifted of my shoulders.
Post natal depression (PND) affects between 10-15% of women. I had no knowledge before my pregnancy, I thought I was abnormal for not feeling happy with my child.. But I know now that its a common problem and I feel it should be spoken about more.
PND was the start of my mental health issues. I developed Severe Separation Anxiety. Leaving Oakley was/is like torture for me. I find it hard to leave him with Kyle, to go to the toilet, have a bath, the normal everyday activities that most people find easy. The hardest thing to have to do is to try to explain to your soul mate the reason why he can’t take his son to the shops, or to bath him alone, its impossible!
15 months later, I have had counseling, regular visits from health visitors, and I’m currently waiting to see my GP’s councilor. I have been diagnosed with Severe Anxiety, Severe Depression and OCD. I find day to day tasks difficult, and my anxiety feels like it’s taking over my life 99% of the time. (I plan to speak about my mental health problems more here) but, I wouldn’t be where I am now without Kyle, he has been there through thick and thin, hes put up with my emotions and my anxiety and compulsive ways even when others would have left, and most of all he still treats me like he did before we became parents, and for that I am eternally grateful.
Our family is the most important thing to me. I am so happy that I have the amazing support from Kyle and our family. I feel unbelievably lucky that I am a Mummy, and watching Oakley grow, laughing and smiling with us and creating memories as a family is the most wonderful feeling of achievement. I am so proud of us, and the family we have become.
Our first family holiday!
5 years together and more in love than ever!
That is our story.. so far!!
Adventures with us, shared with you.
Amy, Kyle & Oakley